Few works of medieval art have captured the public imagination quite like the Bayeux Tapestry. Stretching nearly 70 meters, this 11th-century embroidery chronicles the Norman Conquest of England in 1066 with vivid scenes of battle, intrigue, and pageantry. It was made in Normandy to honor the victorious King William. Historians have traditionally debated the death of King Harold – the last Anglo-Saxon king of England – as depicted in the tapestry: was he killed by an arrow in the eye (the figure on the left below) or was he run down by a sword-wielding Norman knight (the one on the right).
But beneath its historical grandeur lies a detail that has sparked modern fascination and scholarly debate: the presence of 93 penises, or 94 depending on who you believe, most of them belonging not to men, but to horses.
This unexpected tally, first brought to light by Oxford professor George Garnett, has become a subject of both academic scrutiny and public amusement. But why are there so many penises on the Bayeux Tapestry? What do they mean, and why have they become a point of contention among historians? Let’s unravel the curious case of the tapestry’s most notorious appendages.
Counting the Unmentionables: The Academic Debate
The story begins with Professor George Garnett’s meticulous count. In 2018, Garnett announced that he had identified 93 penises in the tapestry: 88 attached to horses and five to men. This revelation, while initially met with amusement, soon sparked a scholarly debate that continues to this day.
Recently, Dr. Christopher Monk, a medievalist known for his expertise on Anglo-Saxon nudity, claimed to have found a 94th penis – a detail dangling beneath the tunic of a running man in the tapestry’s border. Garnett, however, insists that this is merely the scabbard of a dagger, noting a distinctive “yellow blob” at its tip, which he interprets as brass. Monk counters that the detail is “surprisingly anatomically fulsome,” and that the stitching matches the anatomical features of male genitalia.
The current debate centers on a single ambiguous detail. Is the appendage beneath the running man’s tunic a scabbard, as Garnett insists, or a penis, as Monk believes? Like the arrow/sword question, the answer may never be definitively settled.
Monk points to the stitching technique and anatomical detail, noting that some of the threads appear original and that 19th-century restorers only replaced details where traces of the design remained. Garnett, on the other hand, argues that the presence of a yellow tip suggests a metal fitting, not flesh.
This debate highlights the challenges of interpreting medieval art, where symbolism, restoration, and centuries of wear can obscure original intentions.
“I am in no doubt that the appendage is a depiction of male genitalia — the missed penis, shall we say. The detail is surprisingly anatomically fulsome,” Monk said.
The Bayeux Museum in Normandy, where the tapestry is housed, has diplomatically described the work as both “an epic poem and a moralistic work,” sidestepping the controversy.
A Closer Look: Where Are The Penises?
The Bayeux Tapestry is not a single, continuous narrative, but a complex composition with a central panel and decorative borders above and below. The main panel tells the story of the Norman Conquest, while the borders are filled with animals, mythical beasts, and vignettes that often seem unrelated to the main action.
Equine Genitalia: The vast majority of the penises – 88 by Garnett’s count – belong to horses. In most cases, these are simply anatomical details, indicating that the horses are stallions. However, certain horses, notably those ridden by key figures such as Harold Godwinson and William the Conqueror, are depicted with particularly prominent genitalia. Garnett argues that these details are not accidental, but deliberate symbols of virility and power.
“The rest are just to demonstrate that the horses in question are stallions. But the ones that matter? They’re associated with important men. William’s horse is by far the biggest, and that’s not a coincidence.”
William The Conqueror’s Horse: Size Matters!
Human Genitalia: The human penises are fewer and more subtly placed. Most are found in the borders, attached to naked or partially clothed figures. One appears on a corpse being stripped of chain mail, another on a figure in the throes of battle. The debated 94th penis, if accepted, would belong to a running man in the border, whose appendage has become the focal point of the current academic dispute.
Why So Many? Decoding the Symbolism
The presence of so many penises – especially equine ones – has prompted historians to look beyond mere anatomical accuracy. Medieval art was rarely accidental; every detail had the potential for symbolic meaning.
1. Virility and Power
In medieval culture, the horse was a symbol of status, strength, and masculinity. By emphasizing the genitalia of the horses ridden by Harold and William, the tapestry’s designer may have been making a visual statement about the virility and prowess of these leaders. The largest equine penis, notably, is found on the horse presented to Duke William just before the Battle of Hastings – a subtle assertion of his dominance and right to rule.
2. Moral and Satirical Commentary
The borders of the tapestry, where most of the human genitalia appear, are thought to contain visual references to Aesop’s Fables and other classical tales. These stories often carried moral or satirical messages. The inclusion of nudity and sexual imagery could be allusions to themes of betrayal, shame, or folly – perhaps a coded commentary on the events depicted in the main narrative.
3. Medieval Attitudes Toward Nudity
While the Bayeux Tapestry is unusual for its explicitness, depictions of genitalia were not unheard of in medieval art. The tapestry, however, is notable for its exclusive focus on male (and equine) genitalia, with no clear depictions of female anatomy – save for one instance of pubic hair.
Victorian Censorship and Modern Fascination
When a replica of the Bayeux Tapestry was produced in Reading, England, in the late 19th century, the Leek Embroidery Society was provided with sanitized reference materials. As a result, most of the penises were omitted or altered, reflecting Victorian Britain’s sensibilities about nudity and propriety. The original, however, remains unbowdlerized – a testament to the very different attitudes of its medieval creators.
The modern fascination with the tapestry’s penises is, in part, a reaction to this history of censorship. As Professor Garnett notes, his research attracted far more attention than any of his other academic work – simply because it dealt with a taboo subject.
Conclusion: What Do the Penises of the Bayeux Tapestry Tell Us?
The 93 (or possibly 94) penises of the Bayeux Tapestry are more than just a curiosity – they are a window into the values, humor, and artistic conventions of the medieval world. They remind us that history is not always as solemn as it seems, and that even the most revered works of art can contain surprises.
Whether as symbols of power, moral warnings, or simply evidence of a meticulous artist’s eye, these details enrich our understanding of the tapestry and its creators. The ongoing debate over the tally is a testament to the tapestry’s enduring ability to provoke discussion, delight, and a touch of scandal – nearly a thousand years after it was stitched.
So next time you gaze upon the Bayeux Tapestry, look beyond the battles and banners. In its borders and backgrounds, you’ll find not just the story of a conquest, but a hidden narrative of masculinity, symbolism, and the eternal human fascination with the things we’re not supposed to talk about.
Not sure exactly who has a a strange culture . You don’t have to go back to medieval times to see a more adult attitude to this , baby boomers moms yelled “you boys grow up “ when they heard us sniggering at the nudes in “Plates of the Prado” book , and our fathers took us to the YMCA to get used to the locker room when we were in grade school . Today , middle schoolers “loose their shite” when they see classical art and are growing into the first generation of grown men to be afraid to change at the gym . It’s not them (ie medieval tapestry makers ) but us who are going through a childish stage .Today parents are led by their kids , and when you let children choose, you get childish choices ..